A parent's guide to online gaming safety

Start from what games actually are to a child

For most children, an online game is not entertainment in the way a film is. It is a social space — the place their friendships happen, where status is earned and lost, and where a substantial part of their day is spent. Approaching it as a hobby to be limited rather than a place to be understood is the fastest way to lose the conversation.

This matters practically. The threats below all work by exploiting things a child cares about: their account, their progress, their standing among friends, and their fear of losing access. Any response that also threatens those things will push the problem underground.

The real risks, in order of how often they occur

Account theft

By far the most common thing that happens. A message or a video offers free in-game currency, rare items, or a way to unlock something. The link leads to a convincing copy of the game's login page. The account is taken, stripped, and sold.

Adults tend to underrate this because they see it as losing a game account. To a child it can mean losing years of progress, purchases made with real money, and their place in a friend group. It is also, very often, their first experience of being deliberately deceived, and how you respond shapes whether they tell you about the next thing.

Contact from strangers

Most games have voice or text chat with people outside the child's real-world circle. The large majority of these interactions are ordinary. The ones that are not tend to follow a recognisable pattern: sustained attention and flattery, gifts of in-game items, a move to a private platform like Discord or a messaging app, then secrecy from parents, then escalation.

The move off-platform is the moment that matters most. It removes moderation, reporting and records. If a child understands one thing about this, it should be that anyone who wants to move the conversation somewhere private is the problem, regardless of how kind they have been.

Sextortion

Increasingly targeted at teenage boys, frequently beginning in a gaming context. An image is obtained or fabricated, then money is demanded under threat of sending it to friends and family. Victims are told it is their fault and that their life is over, and many believe it.

Two things need saying in advance, before it ever happens: paying makes it worse and never ends it, and there is nothing they could do that would make you stop being on their side. A child who believes the second part tells you on day one instead of paying in silence for three weeks.

Spending pressure

Loot boxes, limited-time offers, battle passes and peer pressure are engineered by professionals to convert time into money. This is not fraud, but the mechanisms borrow heavily from gambling design, and children are not well equipped to resist them. Requiring approval for purchases removes most of the problem.

Cheats, mods and downloads

Sites offering cheats, free versions, or account boosting are a reliable source of malware. The child's motivation is often to keep up with friends rather than to break rules, which is worth understanding before reacting.

Settings worth the ten minutes

• Two-factor authentication on the game account. This is the highest-value setting by a wide margin, and children often agree to it readily once they understand it protects their progress. Frame it as protecting their stuff, not as parental control.
• Chat restricted to friends, and voice chat with strangers turned off, where the platform allows it.
• Purchases requiring a password or approval.
• Profile set to private, with real name, age, school and location removed.
• Friend requests limited, and the existing list reviewed together occasionally — most children have accumulated people they cannot identify.
• Play in a shared space where possible for younger children, which does more than any setting.

Controls help and they are not the main protection. Children move platforms quickly, borrow devices, and find ways around restrictions. What travels with them is judgement and the certainty that they can tell you things.

Conversations that work

Ask about the game itself first. What are they playing, who with, what are they good at. A parent who knows the name of the game and the names of their friends is a parent who gets told things. This is not a tactic; it is the whole foundation.

Ask open questions rather than issuing warnings. "Has anyone ever offered you free stuff?" produces real information. "You know not to talk to strangers" produces a yes and nothing more.

Make the guarantee explicit and keep it. "If anything online goes wrong, you can tell me and you will not lose your device or your account." Say it out loud, more than once. Then honour it the first time it is tested, because that first time determines whether they ever use it again.

Use examples, not rules. Describing a specific scam — the free currency link, the stranger who gave someone a rare item and then asked for a photo — is far more memorable than a principle. Playing our Whack-a-Scam game together is a low-pressure way to start that conversation.

Respond to information, not to behaviour. When a child tells you something that went wrong, the first response determines whether there is a second conversation. Deal with the problem; discuss the judgement later, if at all.

Rules children actually remember

1. Free stuff online is never free. If it asks you to log in, it wants your account.
2. Nobody who works for a game will ever ask for your password.
3. Anyone who wants to move the chat somewhere private is the problem.
4. Anyone who asks you to keep a secret from your family is the problem.
5. You can always tell me, and you will never be in trouble for it.

If something has happened

Account stolen: use the game's account recovery, change the password everywhere that password was used, and turn on two-factor authentication. Check the email account too, since that is often the real target.

Inappropriate contact: screenshot before blocking, report to the platform, and keep the record. If it involved a child and sexual content, contact the police — this is not something to handle privately.

Sextortion: stop all payment, do not delete anything, and report to the police and the platform. Tell your child clearly that they are not in trouble and that this is survivable. The threat depends entirely on the victim feeling unable to tell anyone.

Unexpected spending: contact the platform, since many have refund processes for unauthorised purchases by children, then set up purchase approval so it cannot recur.

In every case, your visible reaction is being recorded by your child as evidence about whether to tell you next time. Handle the calm part first and everything else afterwards.